Accountability Beats Willpower & Other Truths I Learned On The Hockey Rink
When I was a kid growing up in rural Minnesota, hockey was life. Practices were intense, games were high-stakes, and the gear always smelled vaguely like ambition and wet socks.
But I’ll tell you what made the biggest difference in how hard I worked: my coach.
If it was a random Saturday afternoon and I was on my own, maybe I’d mess around with a stick and puck for a bit or do a half-hearted workout in the basement. But I’d also be tempted by Mario Brothers or driving the snowmobile around that big back field covered in fresh snow. There was no big agenda and no accountability.
But when I showed up to practice? When Coach was there with a whistle and a plan?
It was game on. I pushed harder and I took it seriously because someone was watching and expecting something from me.
That, right there, is the power of outer accountability. And if you're trying to change your health this fall, it's one of the best tools you can use.
Why Outer Accountability Works Better Than You Think
We all love to believe we’re self-motivated - that if we really wanted to go for that walk or drink more water, we would. But real life is a lot messier.
Research backs this up.
People with accountability partners are 95% more likely to follow through on their goals, according to a study from the American Society of Training and Development
External accountability improves follow-through even more than setting deadlines or making public commitments, according to research published in Psychological Science
Studies have also shown that group-based or peer-supported behavior change—especially around exercise and health—is significantly more effective than doing it alone.
Accountability helps you take the decision-making off the table. It’s no longer “should I work out today?” It’s “I said I would—and someone’s going to check.”
Who Not to Choose as Your Accountability Partner
Here’s where things get tricky: not all accountability partners are created equal and some of the most well-meaning people in your life might actually be the worst partners.
Research on “reactance” shows that we tend to push back (sometimes hard) when we feel our autonomy is being threatened—especially by people we’re closest to. That’s why your spouse or parent (or adult child!) reminding you to work out might feel like nagging, but your coach or coworker could say the exact same thing and it clicks.
Here’s why spouses, siblings, or parents often make poor accountability partners:
We see them as extensions of ourselves, so feedback can feel more like criticism
There’s often emotional baggage or power dynamics at play
We’re more likely to argue, deflect, or shut down instead of following through
Sound familiar? It’s why having a neutral third party—like a coach or friend working on the same goals—can be so powerful. There’s structure without shame and way fewer emotional landmines!
How To Build Outer Accountability Into Your Health Goals
You don’t need to broadcast your goals to the internet or hire a drill sergeant. You just need one person outside your own brain who knows what you’re working toward—and is going to check in.
Here’s how to build that kind of accountability across the six pillars of health:
1. Hydration:
Text a friend when you finish your water bottle. Use a shared tracking app. Or leave your jug in plain sight during Zoom meetings—it becomes visual accountability.
2. Sleep:
Tell someone your target bedtime, or better yet, share a wind-down routine. If you're both trying to get better rest, text each other when you're logging off for the night.
3. Movement:
Use a shared Google calendar for workouts. Sign up for classes together. Or find a coach who checks in weekly - like me!
4. Nutrition:
Meal prep with a friend over FaceTime or just agree to check in once a week about one meal you feel good about—not to judge, but to reflect.
5. Mindset:
Start a shared journaling habit or send a quick voice memo at the end of each day: What went well? Where’d you get stuck? What’s your focus tomorrow?
6. Growth:
This is the big-picture stuff. A good coach helps you figure out what matters most to you, then reverse-engineers daily habits that align with that vision. You don’t need more hustle—you need direction.
Your Friend Might Be the Best Health Investment You’ve Got
Here’s the thing: you’re not the only one craving a reset right now.
Your best friend? Also feeling sluggish after a summer of patio beers and weekend getaways.
Your adult kid or aging parent? Ready to start showing up for themselves again.
Your co-worker? Sick of saying “next Monday.”
That’s why this September, we’re offering a deal that doubles your momentum.
🎉 Sign up for 1:1 health coaching with a friend, and you’ll both get $500 off. 🎉
Whether it's your partner, your bestie, or your college roommate who just texted “I need a reset,” now’s the time.
You’ll each get personalized support rooted in your real life. We’ll focus on sustainable progress, not perfection. And I’ll be the neutral, structured accountability you won’t fight with at dinner.
This Fall, Choose Progress Over Pressure
Listen. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.
But I also know that structure, support, and clear expectations can change everything. Not just for your energy and your body, but for your confidence and peace of mind, too.
September is already asking you to reset. Why not do it intentionally?
Grab a friend, grab a spot on my calendar here, and build a foundation that’ll last way longer than another New Year’s resolution.
Let’s get after it together.