Why Your Progress Doesn’t Feel Like Progress (And What to Do About It)

Ever worked hard for weeks on a goal, only to think, “Why am I not further along?” Maybe you've been eating more veggies, actually doing your workouts, even drinking water like it’s your job—but still feel stuck. That sensation? It's not a failure. It's something psychologists call "the gap."

Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy introduced the concept of "The Gap and the Gain" to describe how high-achievers often measure progress against an ideal future (the gap), instead of recognizing how far they’ve come (the gain). When you're stuck in the gap, it doesn't matter how much progress you’ve made—it never feels like enough.

This is one of the most common mindset traps I see as a health coach. And the first step to escaping it is knowing it exists.

The Gap vs. The Gain: A Practical Framework

Here’s how it plays out:

The Gap: You say, “I’m still not meditating every day—I suck at this.”

The Gain: You say, “I used to get overwhelmed and never took a moment to breathe. Now I meditate twice a week, and I’m getting better at noticing when I need a pause.”

Same person. Same habit. Totally different mindset.

The gap makes us feel behind. The gain reminds us we’re on the path.

Want to see this in action?

• Gap mindset: “I still ordered takeout twice this week.”
  
  Gain mindset: “I used to order out five times a week. Twice is an improvement."

• Gap mindset: “I’m still waking up at 3am.”
  
  Gain mindset: “I used to stay up until midnight scrolling. Now I’m in bed by 10, even if I wake up sometimes."

When you practice this shift, you don't just feel better—you stay consistent longer. Research backs this up: A 2015 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that people who celebrated small wins were significantly more likely to stick to long-term health goals.

This Isn’t Just Positive Thinking—It’s Brain Science

Getting stuck in the gap isn’t about laziness or lack of motivation. It's how our brains are wired.

According to Dr. Rick Hanson, a psychologist and senior fellow at UC Berkeley, the human brain has a negativity bias. That means it’s wired to fixate on threats, problems, or what’s missing—including how far we are from our goals. It's a survival mechanism, not a character flaw.

This is why practicing "gain thinking" is so powerful: it literally rewires your brain to focus on progress, which reinforces motivation, momentum, and resilience. (Hanson calls this "taking in the good.")

Reframing Progress in Everyday Life

This shift applies way beyond the gym.

• Parenting Gap: "My mornings still feel chaotic."
  
  Gain: "I used to lose it every day. Now I keep my cool half the time."
  

• Work Gap: "I haven’t hit all my business goals yet."
  
  Gain: "I took action this quarter and made real progress."
  

• Mental health Gap: "I still feel anxious."
  
  Gain: "Now I know how to breathe through it and reach out when I need support."

If you're trying to build better habits, this mindset shift is the glue that keeps it all together.

And if you’re someone who tends to live in the gap? You’re not alone. I coach people through this exact reframe every day. We work together to build new habits, yes—but also new ways of seeing those habits.

Curious what coaching could look like for you? Here’s where to start.

Real-Time Tools to Catch the Gap and Pivot

Awareness is the first step. But here’s how to take action:

1. Ask yourself daily: Am I in the gap or the gain right now?

2. Keep a short wins list: Each day, write 2–3 things you did well. They count.

3. Visual reminder: Stick a post-it with "Gap or Gain?" on your bathroom mirror or laptop.

4. Talk about it: Share with a friend or coach (like me!) when you catch yourself in the gap.

Remember: The gap drains your energy. The gain builds momentum. This isn't about being delusional or pretending you're not struggling—it's about honoring progress while you work on what’s next.